How To Survive A Shark Attack

Statistically speaking, you’re more likely to be the next person to sleep with Madonna than to get attacked by a shark. Okay, bad example, but you get the point. Experiencing a shark attack in your lifetime is probably not something that is going to happen, but if it does, you’ll be glad you read this.

According to experts, most shark attacks are simply a case of them mistaking you for something else or trying to show off to get the leading role for the next Jaws movie.  They think you are a seal or some other tasty treat, take a bite, realize their mistake, and swim off.

On most occassions, the first time a victim is aware of the danger swimming near them is when the shark attacks. If you know that there is a big ass shark in the water in your vicinity, and you go in anyhow, stop reading this now. You deserve what’s coming. Time to clean out the gene pool a little bit.

If you are the victim of a sudden attack, your best chance of getting out of there is to fight back. Poke at the shark’s most sensitive areas, their eyes and gills. Use any kind of weapon you can get your hands on. If you can’t reach his eyes or gills, go for the nose.

If he attacks and backs off, he may be waiting for you to die from the injuries he’s inflicted on you. Don’t wait to find out. At this point, get your ass out of the water. Obviously, seek medical attention right away. Once your scars heal, prepare to get more chicks than you ever have in your life.